Just Thinking

Just Thinking

::here's a peek inside out minds::

Jule's

july 13

some thoughts on Jesus

so i dyed my hair today. soft black.

and i talked to phil last night. for a whole 93 minutes.

and i'm all set to go to LA and get my student Visa and catch modest mouse at the wiltern. woo hoo! i'm so glad he's taking me. mel's gave me a really pleasant thought the other day. "of all the people he could have taken he picked you." *sigh* and apparantly i get this goofy grin when i think/talk about him. so schuyler: you can imagine the look on my face.

i just hope this show or the next or the next doesn't just leave me "high and dry". i'm "just waiting for something to happen". and that was our radiohead moment for the day.

but for now i'm sitting in the welcome center during what i can only assume is a gorgeous sunset. i see the rose colored clouds above and beside me. the color of the sky makes the artificial lights seem green against the trunks of the palms.

an unknown man just brought me a chicken burrito from santana's. why? i don't know. maybe it's because i did my hair today. or maybe it's because i look pathetic in my green and white polo shirt. or maybe he knows...

this holiday life is crooning at me from the speakers. it reminds me of the show i went to at soma and the girl that wanted to kick my ass. i should pray for her ;)

i found myself making oddly atheistic statements last night to phil. i wonder if maybe i'm just trying to shock. or am i trying to be on the wrong side of the christian cookie cutter?

i'm excited about the spiritual aspect of my trip to china. not that i'm looking into eastern philosophy or i'm going to "find myself", just that i'd love to be at a place where the decision to follow Jesus means something. i guess sacrifice and commitment. where it's impossible to be comfortable. it may sound masochistic. my perception of what following Christ should be may be wrong, but i don't think it should be what it is here. it shouldn't be happy abercrombie and daddy's credit card. where's the goal if there's no challenge. or maybe this is the challenge. maybe comfort is the challenge and i'm too weak to beat it... hmm.

"faces that i cant see. the difference of you and me. the first thing that came to mind were those doubts of mine. if only i could just begin this all over i'd say words that wouldn't start fires forever. i would be a lover; a mover; a fighter. i'd turn to the others."

Mel's

April 15

Current Mood: Depleted

Current Music: A Lack of Color-DCFC

I just returned from sucessfuly wasting time in the photo lab. After that I met Brit before our roomdraw; we got the LAST room in Finch. hurray! that is a joyful exclamation towards not being stuck in Klassen; I am not crazy enough to be excited about living in Finch, or anywhere else on this campus for that matter. Anyway, me and Brit decided that we would dress up for our "event" tonight. so we will get ready, go to musoffee and then.......can't tell you. i really CAN'T tell you. well, I guess I should go wash my hands, considering that they reek of photo chemicals and they are starting to itch/burn. To be honest, I kind of like it. I know pretty sick.

-mel!!!!

Interesting story:

The sun was shinning and felt warm against my skin. I was being wrapped up in the mysterious underground world of which Dostoevsky writes about. A group of voices brought me back to point loma, my world. The group consisted of young men and women who, I am assuming, were interested in being part of "my" world and of parents who I am sure were loving the ridiculously strict rules that wold be forced upon their children. I thought of doing something, anything. "Dont do it!" is what i wanted to yell at them. Instead I returned to the words in front of me.

....I don't know why I just wrote all of that. the real point of my story was....I was sitting at the Greek reading when a tour group approched and the leader began to speak about the greek, softball field, etc. I was laying on the grass reading, not paying much attention to the kids and their parents. Then, I felt a tiny yet sharp pain on my tigh. I wanted to reach in there and see what it was. It was probably an ant getting revenge for all I have put them through(I used to eat them because someone told me it would make me smarter). I knew I couldn't do that because all the parents and kids would see me reach up my skirt. So i thought to myself, "Come on mel, you can take it. It is just a tiny little ant." But the bastard kept bitting harder and harder until it got to the point where I had to reach up there and find the thing and I then rejoiced in killing the thing. So anyway, I don't think those parents will want their kids coming to this school where girls can masturbate freely in public. But then I got thinking; Maybe the ant had a mission. I had wanted to do something about these kids about to ruin their lives but I couldn't. This ant's purpose was to help me "do" something to help those kids. weird how things happen. wow i can't believe i just wrote all that on an ant! my existence is sad ...and filled with ants.